I really do not know where to start… so let us start here. With this picture. What does it say to you? How long did you stare at my battered breasts… or whatever the fuck you want to call these things on my chest? Did you grab your chest? Count the number of questions you have… is only one hand up?
I promise you my every intention was to make you stop through here… whoever you are. I want you to see me. I want you to stare. And I want THIS to be what you think about when you think about “Breast Cancer Awareness”.
NOW WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DONT LEAVE YET!
I am NOT that person. What I mean by that is this is not a “journey through cancer” blog. Fuck no. I am not knocking anyone who received this stupid diagnosis and decided to walk you all through how fucking horrible cancer treatment is… I mean seriously shout out to my fellow cancer brothers and sisters (wait.. can I say that?), but the whole “I have cancer and this happened… here is a pic of me going into surgery!!! Smiling!! Because I am SOOOOO happy they took my tits!”….. its done… redone… and its at least 484 variations of that story…
I need to do more. I need to tell more. I need to do what we are scared to do. I need to tell the truth…
I suppose being diagnosed with Stage 3 Breast Cancer at 26 can cause a girl to do a lot of things. For me? I picked up a pen. That was until my hands started trembling an aching after chemotherapy, so i had to move to typing (don’t get sad.. I can write more and more everyday).
I am pretty sure that I am going to make at least 3 people upset with this blog. Maybe more. I honestly contemplated telling them not to read it. Of course… That would just make them read it… so I will take my chances.
Early into my life with my diagnosis… I learned that cancer had an EVIL companion… something that is as equally awful as the damn disease itself. That thing is LOSS… never ending, unexpected, unfair and completely devastating losses. In those losses i gained my strength. These losses are my foundation.
As if this isn’t enough… I took a look in the mirror… And I asked myself who the fuck am I now? This is what i came up with
Due to my job…I have seen more dead people than you all have probably seen alive… I literally have seen the worst things you could imagine. But then on weekends I am a makeup artist… all while being a Bad-Ass mother and girlfriend…Did I mention I am a 27 (almost 28) year old stage three breast cancer survivor? 27…. Diagnosed at 26….
I am the first of my type… we are not the same….
Life after…. it… was the lowest I had ever been… i found myself left with two choices….
Blow my fucking brains out….. Or let it OUT
And I am NOT dead.
What i AM is BOLD… I don’t hold back… I have accepted ME the good, the bad,, but especially the ugly… and I am unapologetic about how much I will always be ME. Let my poetry and rants blow your fucking mind.
Most of the time you will see me BEAT… and by beat… I do mean forever scarred bruised. My battle left me beat in a lot of ways… but I also mean that though I am scarred, physically and mentally…. I don’t wear my struggle on my face.
And finally…. What I am is NIPLESS… but I am here to create a place for women like me… real women… I want to become the image of awareness. You aren’t alone… we make mistakes like everyone else… sometimes worst.
Just Hear Me Out…..
P.S. If you ever read a story… or a poem… or see something…. and you start feeling froggy???? Leap bitch 🙂