Confessions of a Lost Bitch…

#WritingForAFriend

I made the man that walked all over me… I picked him up, when he was broken… and he broke me. I gave that man a rope so he could climb up to my level… and he…. Used it to choke me….
He choked me…he choked me… when he fucked me he choked me… filling me with semen and hatred as he stroked me… I tried to enjoy it… I lied to enjoy it… to the ceiling my soul would fly to enjoy it.. Because from my cloudy blue eyes … i had to die to enjoy it…

 

I am talking to YOU… So…Stop and let me say that again… 

I had to die to be your woman… because you weren’t shit for a man.. I had to settle to be your lover… I had to lose sight of who I am… you met me when I was weak… and you just made me sink deeper..you told me I was worthless… and made the weak, stupid me a “believer”….

Now I’m sitting here with the product of your cum… you left me with our heartbroken daughter… and our bright eyed son… and then my oldest dear God help me mend my oldest son… for ever taking lessons from that broke ass bum… Dear God if my son ever tells you he hates his mom… guide him back to me… my apologies will never be done….My work with them will never be done… must be nice to ruin us all.. Then leave.. .and say fuck everyone… going online talking bad on my fucking name.. When if anyone reading was me they would’ve done the same…

Fuck Boy you never loved me… just the idea of me… so stop fronting.. I spent those nights crying in bed with you and you did NOTHING… Oh wait.. Never mind.. Thats right.. I was just a wear bitch crying… its just me…

Now that you see I’m not bluffing, don’t you DARE tell me you love me… you were NEVER considerate of me… not of my heart, my needs and DAMN SURE NOT ABOUT MY MONEY… and what’s so fucking funny is I bought you and you still didn’t want me… damn, no exchanges or return policy,to think I used to kill my self to get you to vibe with me…

And Now a days all i do is breathe and my man is fine with me..

He been on this rollercoaster ride with me… it was hard to let him in… I need those kids proud of me… and I need to be proud of me… Wasted 5 years with your self hating ass thoughts crowding me… I was trying smile… you just frowned at me… what was it I was lacking? Because though I am moving on sometimes i wonder why you fucking stabbed me… not that I want you back though boy I’m happy… but one day I have to tell these kids what fucking happened….

Why I will never love their daddy… why its them, mommy and stepdaddy… why things ended so badly… it will explain the nightmares they keep having… how will i ever tell them all the bad things…?