know your DAMN role

yeah it’s time for me’ to go there… its time for me to say what’s been weighing heavy on my heart… it’s wearing out my soul. I am really fucking tired of folks not knowing their motherfucking role….

SHIT… I’m getting tired of it… tired of weak ass men not manning up for their kids… I am tired of these hating ass women… who just need some common sense… I am FUCKING tired of laziness confused with “tough love” from these pathetic ass parents… I know i pulled  a lot of cards… but games is all people know now a days… the ignorance is apparent…

Tired of these scary ass little grown men boys.. Who wont talk but are  always staring… eyes stuck my little booty like it’s a steak… with your mouth wide open and your nostrils flaring… I am sure I will get some heat from this one… but I really don’t give a flying fuck… i am done caring…

I cried for the last time today, and i know i said that the last time… but I just can’t allow myself to kiss the ground when you throw my face at the most belittling part of the floor… I can not afford to sell myself short, not when I know there are blessings coming… for me., there is so much in store.. I don’t need anyone to half love me… I just need to shut loves door…

Because I don’t know why… but love just doesn’t fucking love me anymore… and i am absolutely referring to more than romance… because if i was only missing love referring to my “relationship status” then maybe just maybe I could have hope that love and I could just have one successful dance….

And maybe just maybe… love could do something other than gut me like a fish at every given chance it has to enter….

And as i sit here i can not remember… the last time i loved a soul that loved me in return even halfway equally… I almost expect that love is not a forever thing… I only say that because I am always loved… but only  seasonally…

It doesn’t matter who it is… there were times in life that even my own mother couldn’t see past my unlovable self… and she was too disgusted to take a seat with me… and though we have come so far, and I love her more than words can describe…  that shit sits and eats at me… just think of how that could fuck with someone mentally… because it really used to fuck with me… to feel like my mother felt like she was unfortunately “Stuck” with me… I used to want to be her favorite… and no matter what i did… i was not… unluckily…

Unluckily I am needy, emotional and abrasive… and due to how sexually charged I have always been… my mother and others… they felt the need to be invasive… But the problem with it all of it is that I didn’t ask for any opinions… so let me say this…

It is no one’s role to run my life… nor should I feel like it is my obligation for me to be the perfect woman for elders and  to live vicariously through me… during a time that I am NOT even trying to live vicariously through myself… because only as of late has myself even felt worthy of being enough… up to this point my worth was questionable to me… up to this point I have only focused on the shitty hand I have been dealt….

So stay in your lane… we are not the same… do not take offense to MY the story unfolds, no offense would be taken if you knew your role… this is MY life… for you to make me hate living the only life I have ever been granted…. well , that is just cold..

And cold you can most certainly be.. As long as you keep your cold heart away from me… keep your cold dead love the fuck away from me.. Know your role, and if you have some words… watch what the fuck you try to say to me…

I know my role and I play it well… I understand how hard it is to stand back up… after everyone rejoiced when you fell.. I understand the demise a person who was consumed by the pressure that these fake fucks put on you to do well… and how they wait for you to fall again.. it’s sickening how much satisfaction they get watching you struggle just to have a story to tell…then they harshly judge your mistakes… they conveniently sleep on your successes in life… but then it’s like their eyes are open as fuck when you fail…

Know your role as my friend… know your role as my man… stop judging people trying to fucking make it… try to sit back and understand… why you should not step out of your role again… because I can move on quick… and unfriend a friend…  Un-love a lover… and if need be… un “fam” my “fam”…

It is sad that forgotten roles have gotten so forgotten…  to judge a person… it’s certainly unforgivable… and ignorance to reality is the reason why I am the way that I am