the names i have called myself part TWO

     I had to learn that the names that I call myself, no matter how awful described how I saw myself… I wrote part one of this… because I was about to OFF myself…

and now that it is out in the open… I have re-evaluate me… for the first time I see me… and I know that this girl has wealth… and maybe not in money… but I have that too..  And eventually I will be so in love with myself… that i won’t care about who else loves me… yea, that includes phony homies and family that acts like they don’t know me… but it’s alright though… I am a survivor regardless… and sometimes I come off heartless… because I sit here and write, putting everyone’s truth on blast. When I wrote Superhero Strength. , I wasn’t even focusing about my past… just explaining why what I thought was a forever love couldn’t last… and ever since that painfully revealing piece, shit got real.. Life slowed down… so now I am forced to stop… I no longer have the ignorant bliss of time going fast…

  So I began to do what I would call soul searching, needing to locate my sole purpose… because I do love myself, never again will I deem myself worthless. I do love me more and everyone less… I deserve to not have my character second guessed… I can’t even register the hate because I am so focused on being my best. I am not like the rest, like I would rather die than waste my time getting through the petty things you all call “stress”… you are crying over a little spilled milk and a Queen like me can only handle big mess… no quizzes here I only take big tests…

I am ready for a love that makes me take it slow… that moves me forward and helps me grow. A dude so into Dom that he wants to know all there is to know… someone who can love a recovering sex addict… yea,that might sound far-fetched and dramatic… but I call myself that because it sounds better than calling myself  a“hoe”… But any thing I called myself he would embrace, fill me up with love and erase that self-loathe…

If he treated me like his lady,  I would treat him like a king… I put that on everything… I am dealing with my bitterness so my life can sweeter song to sing, I am honest and I will tell you now my past ain’t clean… but honey I am still a Queen. I am fit for the throne, even as comical as it may seem, I deserve a man who would go to the extreme… subtle never really worked for me. Whoever I end up should want to open EVERY door for me… he should love me out loud, nothing but adoration for me… and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for me… he will know my story, and and still adore me….

I have been so foolish… so stupid for jumping to the “treat him like a king part” all that ever left me with was a broken heart… all that ever left me with was a wet ass… a sad list of men who never quite loved me… and another suitcase to add to the baggage I already had, ready to pile all these problems on the next poor lass… that behavior is now a part of my past. And before you go judging me take a look in your closed closet… maybe those late night tears you cry, would dry up if you looked your own truth in the eye.

But if i never loved again I am okay with simply being free, walking this earth unbothered, and  unapologetically Domonique, being whoever I want to be, loving the entire fuck out of me…

To all my ladies and gents, love yourself, remain unbent, all that criticizing isn’t all love, sometimes you are secretly hated by your “friends”. You are enough as you are, even if you do NOTHING, your presence on this earth means something… look in the mirror with no fear and scream I LOVE ME… I PUT NOTHING ABOVE ME… then live that life and focus on just ONE thing…

And that’s believing it… because believing is achieving… that’s half the battle really… if peace and acceptance is what you are seeking…

Just be like me… I am free, I am me, no longer blind, I can see the light at end of the tunnel. Past ain’t perfect but I’m worth it… told myself this for a month and it’s working, I deserve an easy love with no forcing. Because I am pretty, I am WOKE, I am the truth, I’m not a joke. All the negative words I ever spoke on myself have been revoked… only speaking words of beauty, and honey you are still lost. So I don’t expect you to feel me…No longer the broken one, my words make me the chosen one.

 

And do not go too far… because I am not done…