#WritingForAFriend Oh, I am still here

“Once upon a time… I loved what seemed like a great guy. He was so solid, well that’s how it seemed… and in the beginning he was only a little mean. Just a little bit it was cute. And I didn’t love myself really… so I was mute. Yea, can you believe it? I was so quiet… I let him fuck me… but he never loved me and I thought he did… criticizing me like I was his kid… telling me to fix myself like he was the shit… but he wasn’t shit… so why did I listen. Why did I cry… and hang on to every single lie… man did time fly… went from weeks then months, and now years… and now you aren’t here… all the shit I gave you.. and this is what I feared. I’m just sitting here with this pain in my chest… i’m feeling empty I need more than dick to fill this hole in me… I can’t believe I let a man take control of me… I want to love again… I want someone to just hold on me… but what’s the point… that man broke all that was whole in me….”

Well that was the past… now a days I laugh at myself for trying to make a dead end love last. Now a days I don’t fall in love so fast… because love takes time… I am so happy that phase of my life has finally passed.

I finally said “no more”.. so happy I ended it… we no longer speak… shit was dead, couldn’t even do CPR to bring enough life in this to be friends again… but that’s okay… sir you have no place… so don’t ever try to be all in my face… happiness came when I removed you from my space… it was hard… but I moved on at my own pace… and now shit is great… I don’t even go online anymore to look at your pages…

Look at me… being happy as shit… life actually did go on when I thought that it wouldn’t…. I am none of the things you made of me… my character isn’t assassinated… you tried to change everything that was good about me, and you couldn’t. Sometimes I look at my phone like “maybe I should call his ass”, but I know I shouldn’t…

Moving on was not easy task… my strength came in came in phases… I wore different hats, made up different faces until I loved mine… And now I make time, just for myself, I have fucked around and made myself an actual  life… and while I am at it…  I might just go further, I might just fuck around a be an actual wife…


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