#IForgiveME

“Forgive yourself, and welcome love back into your life.”
-Wayne Dyer

I forgive me… even if you won’t.

I forgive me… because I will perish if I don’t…

To forgive means to live, and I no longer wish to die…
I loathe the fact that I slipped into that black hole, as much as I want to be positive with you all, I cannot sit here and lie.

My hands, my heart, and my soul bled from digging myself out that grave,
But it feels so good to sit here in the sun, it feels good to see the sky…

So I forgive me, for everything. I love me, I love myself and I.

I forgive me for loving the man who stole my innocence…
Because I was too scared of his rejection…
I forgive me for my constant lack of common sense,
I will accept and not dwell on my oversights, due to me striving for unreachable perfection…

I forgive me for all the fuck boys… those that I loved and just fucked me, seriously what did I expect…
I look and the mirror and and I cringe at my dead face… blank of expression , worn out from all the neglect…
I forgive myself for giving my body to men who gave me nothing but disrespect…

Oh, I can not believe I said that,

but for the past decade or so I’ve been self destructing and that is too painful to bear anymore. So I had to dead that…

I forgive me for the writing that started all the fighting…

I forgive me for crying at night wishing those I loved with all my heart would at least like me…

I forgive me for letting my mom break my heart…

I was raised to honor her… which translated to “put her needs before mine…” so what I needed was forgotten from the start…

I forgive me for needing to be close to a mother, who is content with “loving” me from afar…

But I won’t lie, one day mommy, I’ll be ready to forgive me for secretly wondering about how you are…

Mommy issues… daddy issues…. step-daddy issues… love issues… trust issues…self worth issues… a trash can full of sticky tissues…

I forgive me from hiding from my inevitable truth… I can’t retrieve the time wasted…

But hey… it’s better late than never, so shout out to my tardy ass for being strong enough to face it…

I forgive me for acting happy.., but guys I thought had to fake it…

I forgive me for not believing that me… myself, yes… I could actually make it….

Because I made it… though handed a shitty hand and I strategically played it… I made my terms not caring who loves or hates it.

I’m on on my own…
swimming through my feelings alone…
I forgive me for thinking I needed any one..
I am so happy that need is gone.

I forgive me for my childish actions…
Because I haven’t been a child since ‘03…
But I couldn’t come to terms with what happened…
I just wanted to be included…
I yearned to be a part of a family unit…

My life is worth more than weak family so scared to face the facts that they chose to “unfriend me”

Lastly… you don’t know what i faced… so i am not sorry if you read what I write and get offended

I can’t believe I didn’t see my life’s worth…

I forgive me for ever wanting to end me…