Don’t Cry… Here is a Pink Sky

Today I started on the top…. But for a second was knocked a few levels down…

I started the day making moves with a smile… but somehow my smile became a frown…

It’s crazy when you find yourself balls deep in your own happiness…

You don’t think about missing “that”… or how you’re lacking “this”…

I swear…

I have been so focused on moving forward, trying to avoid stepping in the same trap…

All I needed was to just go home… but something today made me go back…

I have no regrets because I did what’s right… I couldn’t do something to cause pain… because I couldn’t lose sleep tonight…

So I did what I did… knowing that I would see you..

But the shock in your eyes made me not envy you…

I know you wonder how I could still love you… I wonder if you know how often I’m shaken out of sleep because I dream of you…

I walked away almost surprised at how you couldn’t look me in my eye… It stung a little bit, if my make-up wasn’t flawless I probably would’ve cried… I felt so lost I needed air so I went outside…  My chest started hurting to be honest, you know I don’t like to lie… I felt kinda useless… wondering if you would care if back when I was fighting… if I said fuck it… gave up… and just let myself die… my head was spinning… asking the universe “what if?” and “when” and “WHY?”…

But then I looked up… and saw a fucking pink sky…

I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture so imperfect… just like me… but also like me it was fucking worth it… it’s like the universe heard me….and gave me something beautiful even though it was just for a moment… reminding me that the world is fucking mine and I need to own it…

I spend so many days being strong… but today I can admit that I was weaker… but at my lowest I am my own motivational speaker… I needed me today when things went from bright to bleaker… for a second I thought I was stupid and lonely… but I reminded me that I am neither…